Friday, January 16, 2015

Is it fair to be mad at someone for their actions if they don’t know it bothers you?

We all have a list of things that bother us and it differs from person to person. Yes, we all have the basics like Don't Kill People, Don't Lie, Don't Kick Puppies, Be Kind to Others. After those come our personal irritants and deal breakers. At the top of my list are a lack of respect for other people, taking yourself too seriously and cruelty disguised as humor. Each person’s list varies and is based on their own personal experiences and needs. Since we don't walk around with our list printed on our shirts most people are blissfully unaware of the things that upset you.
So, is it fair to be mad at someone for their actions if they don’t know it will bother you? Not really.

When JB and I first started dating he would go for hours and sometimes an entire day without replying to text messages. I am one of those people who replies to texts within moments of receiving them. My friends all know that if they don’t hear from me within 2 hours they should call 911. So when JB was non-responsive I took it as disinterest and/or a sign of neglect. I was hurt and then frustrated and then mad with a side of "maybe he isn’t the guy for me". Funny thing is, he had no idea. Something that bothered me didn't even register for him. He was completely unaware that I was analyzing the deep meaning behind his lack of text response. 
He didn’t know it irritated me and definitely wasn’t doing it to hurt me so I really had no right to be upset. What's that you say? Being mad at him wasn't an option? Nope. It wasn't. Until I put on my big girl panties and communicated that there was an issue, the problem was all mine. You see, this wasn't one of the basic cornerstones of a relationship but a personal preference and need that I had. So expecting him to know this without telling him was monumentally unfair. It was up to me to communicate my list of irritants. 
Before you get mad at the people that matter to you, take a minute to share your list. They may have no idea that wearing socks with flip flops is personally offensive to you and a possible a deal breaker.

Happy Friday my friends. For more random stuff from my brain follow me on Facebook and Instagram. 

No comments:

Post a Comment