Our Lives Can Change With Every Breath We Take

I first posted this back in August when I started blogging. It has been a whirlwind month or so and I felt the need to revisit it as it is an essential tenet of my life. 

OUR LIVES CAN CHANGE WITH EVERY BREATH WE TAKE
This has been my motto, creedo, favorite movie quote since the first time I saw “Where The Heart Is”. I have held it high as a banner when it has proved to be true and clutched it like a lifeline when I needed it to be true.  And over time, I have learned to embrace the changes that have come. 
 

My journey to this point has been varied and full of unique adventures. Many times I have started down a path sure it was the route I would be taking for the rest of my life only to have it detour into another path or end entirely. About 5 years ago my dream job, the pinnacle of my career as the uber assistant, crashed into a wall. My boss was taking a new career path that would directly impact my job. Major Life Change!

I decided to see it as an opportunity and started my own business. It was a lovely concierge assistant service that catered to the busy working mom, the young executive who worked too many hours and the generally overwhelmed. In a time when the economy had people cutting back on non-essentials I was able to build a strong clientele of people who were willing to try out a “pay as needed” assistant service. For 3 years I bopped along happily, juggling a multitude of tasks but as the economy rebounded, my little business began to lag. Time for another Major Life Change! 

It was back to the 9 to 5 (or in my case 7:30 to 7:30) grind of an office job. I loved being back in the steady pace and surrounded by people I liked. There was the daily challenge of working for a busy and fastidious executive. After a month or two I was convinced that this was the right path. HA! I should really stop saying that cause 6 months into the job, BAM. Boss is leaving. Bring on a Major Life Change!

Don’t worry. I landed on my feet with another great job and a fabulous boss. But it reminded me of my motto and truth behind that simple statement. Our lives truly are constantly growing, shifting and changing. Anyone who thinks differently is either fooling themselves or just not paying attention. All you have to do is look out the window and you will see proof of this. Summer is winding down. The days are getting shorter again. The leaves will start turning soon. The temp is changing. The air is changing. 

Life is constantly changing. Some of these are good changes. Some, not so good and some just downright scary. We can choose to embrace it, be ready for it, expect it. Or we can be drug kicking and screaming thru it. I for one have learned to embrace it and see where it takes me. When these changes are scary or hard I just keep repeating, “Our Lives Can Change With Every Breath We Take.” Breathe….

The Process Is More Important Than The Goal.. Or So They Tell Me

You can best describe my approach to life as Linear. B comes after A and then we move to C and from there to D. Life has steps. Work has steps. Every day has a process, a flow, a structure. Now granted I work in the entertainment industry so within those steps there is a lot of shifting to the left and then back to the right, dodging, weaving and two stepping but for the most part there is a pretty standard way to accomplish things. 

For example, Monday thru Friday my alarm goes off at 5:50a. I hit snooze and at 6:00am when it goes off again, I grumble, turn it off and sit up in bed. Snoopy is usually staring at me with anticipation from his bed in the corner of the room because he knows that the next step in the morning is for me to stumble to the living, put on my jacket and shoes, grab the keys and his leash and take him for his morning walk. We always walk the same square block and he is pretty consistent about where he likes to stop and sniff, pee, and all that other fun morning stuff. Back upstairs I feed him his homemade breakfast. (I believe I have mentioned before how spoiled he is). We both take our vitamins and then I get ready for work.  

See…. linear, process, steps to my day. Now that’s not to say I’m completely rigid and can’t go with the flow.  Occasionally I oversleep, or Snoopy wants to eat before we go outside, or I need to run the dishwasher before I leave for work. The other morning I had to whip up Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding before I could shower.  But for the most part there is a flow to my day and my life.  

The thing is, I am surrounded by people who like to explore, who wander off the path and sit on a bench for a while.  To them, lists are something to be avoided. They like to look at things from every possible angle, mull it over, sit on it and then… sit on it some more. They say things like, “Why can’t you just enjoy the moment?” and “You keep checking your watch. Are you late for something?” and “Babe, just come sit with me. The dishes don’t have to be done right after we eat.” (Now any sane person knows that last one is complete malarkey. The dishes MUST be done immediately and the kitchen spotless before you can move on to the next activity.) 

JB is one of these people. He has a pace all his own with a slow, measured walk and an “all the time in the world” attitude. He never appears to be in a hurry and there is no time frame for arriving at the next step. He goes to the grocery without a meal plan or even a list. When asked what the plan is for the weekend he usually says… “Not sure. We’ll see.”  He’ll decide at 9am that today is a good day to take the kids to Knott’s Berry Farm.  They didn’t need a checklist of items to take, snacks to pack or appropriate clothing to wear.  They just got up, got dressed and headed out the door. They followed NONE of the “Steps for a Fun Outing”.

Here’s the thing I’m afraid to admit and really hope this is one of the weeks he is too busy to read the blog…. His way might, I said MIGHT, be better. Now don’t get me wrong. My way gets stuff done and is very efficient but it doesn’t always allow for spontaneity (does planned spontaneity count?). Going to Knott’s Berry Farm with me requires an entire week of planning, food shopping and tracking weather patterns. The JB way is fun and easy going.  My way can lend itself to frustration and impatience. (Come on people let’s move. Let’s advance. Let’s take the next step in the process. We have a goal to reach and the only way to get there is to keep moving.) 

I heard someone say once that you can’t skip pages in a book. You will lose the nuance of the story. And they are right. I would never skip pages but I do skim and speed read and too often miss the descriptive phrases.  I end up going back and re-reading sections because I have missed an important piece in my hurry to move on to the next.  I too often forget or fail to acknowledge that the goal is less important than the process and that the steps we take are as meaningful and should be as enjoyable as finishing the task. I might need a tattoo with this mantra on the back of my hand – The process is more important than the goal. 

I know JB will be reminding me of this until the day we die, holding hands on the porch watching the sun go down (with the dishes done and the kitchen clean cause I’m sure I won’t be able to die if my chores aren’t done).

3 Life Lessons from a 3 Year Old

My godson turns 3 today. He is one of the funniest, smartest, most interesting kids I know. It has been an honor and a joy to be a part of his life and it happened almost by accident. I was out walking Snoopy late one night when I ran into the fabulous Miss S who was also walking her dog, well her boyfriend’s dog. We started chatting and the next thing I knew she and teeny tiny J Man were a part of my life and my heart. I have learned so much from the two of them and I thought I would share just a few of those lessons. 

Be kind to yourself.

I am my own worst critic and when things do not go the way I plan I have zero patience for myself. When I first met Miss S and J Man I was working from home and had up to 10 different projects going at a time. Every so often I would run into a snag or forget something like my keys, or to mail a check. My fall back in those moments was, “Sheesh, I’m losing my mind. Get it together Cas!” After hearing me say this more times than she cared to, Miss S pointed out to me that I was being too hard on myself. What really hit home was when she said, “What would you do if J Man said that about himself? Is this a habit you want him to learn from you?” Bam! That one hit me right between the eyes. From that day on I worked to change my response when I mess up and to try to remember to treat myself with the same kindness I try to show to others.

Remember to laugh as much as possible

J Man loves to laugh and have fun but more than that he loves to make other people laugh. He developed a sense of humor pretty early on and understands the power of laughter. We have sword fights with uncooked spaghetti noodles, build block towers and knock them over, and have tickle fests until we almost pee our pants. During some of the hardest days of my life he has made me laugh until the pain was bearable and reminded me that there is joy even in the hardest moments. 

Embrace the silliness of life

There is nothing like a child to remind you that being silly is awesome. J Man recently decided that a pair of toy binoculars looked like a camera and proceeded to make us all pose for picture after picture, “Say cheese ever’body”.  In his world toy dinosaurs really do roar, fire engines scream, Snoopy’s tail doubles as a block to make his train whistle, and crayons can be counted and stacked for hours on end when learning numbers and colors. In J’s world, even the most mundane object has the potential for fun. This has translated to my work life where I do my best to see the silly and absurd in the most frustrating situations. And when this doesn’t work I just spin around in my chair which is oddly therapeutic. 

Happy Birthday My Little Man. I love you with all my heart. Thank you so much for the gift that you are and for bringing your Mommy into my life. You are my family.

Is it fair to be mad at someone for their actions if they don’t know it bothers you?

We all have a list of things that bother us and it differs from person to person. Yes, we all have the basics like Don't Kill People, Don't Lie, Don't Kick Puppies, Be Kind to Others. After those come our personal irritants and deal breakers. At the top of my list are a lack of respect for other people, taking yourself too seriously and cruelty disguised as humor. Each person’s list varies and is based on their own personal experiences and needs. Since we don't walk around with our list printed on our shirts most people are blissfully unaware of the things that upset you.

So, is it fair to be mad at someone for their actions if they don’t know it will bother you? Not really.

When JB and I first started dating he would go for hours and sometimes an entire day without replying to text messages. I am one of those people who replies to texts within moments of receiving them. My friends all know that if they don’t hear from me within 2 hours they should call 911. So when JB was non-responsive I took it as disinterest and/or a sign of neglect. I was hurt and then frustrated and then mad with a side of "maybe he isn’t the guy for me". Funny thing is, he had no idea. Something that bothered me didn't even register for him. He was completely unaware that I was analyzing the deep meaning behind his lack of text response. 
 

He didn’t know it irritated me and definitely wasn’t doing it to hurt me so I really had no right to be upset. What's that you say? Being mad at him wasn't an option? Nope. It wasn't. Until I put on my big girl panties and communicated that there was an issue, the problem was all mine. You see, this wasn't one of the basic cornerstones of a relationship but a personal preference and need that I had. So expecting him to know this without telling him was monumentally unfair. It was up to me to communicate my list of irritants. 

Before you get mad at the people that matter to you, take a minute to share your list. They may have no idea that wearing socks with flip flops is personally offensive to you and a possible a deal breaker.

Happy Friday my friends. For more random stuff from my brain follow me on Facebook and Instagram. 

Goals vs. Resolutions

Happy New Year everyone! Anyone else tired of saying that?

I know that for many of you the New Year is a time of reflection and setting resolutions. My birthday has always been a bigger milestone and time for reflection/goal setting but regardless of the time of year, there are certain questions that I continuously ask myself when setting goals (not resolutions as those are made to be broken).

Have I met my goals for this year/quarter/month? These goals vary and have included starting this blog, adopting a healthier lifestyle, skydiving (still on the list) and getting out of debt. Some are long range goals and some are one time experiences but they are all part of the bigger goal – To live a full life. This isn’t something that just happens but requires thought, planning and status checks.  Which leads me to my next question…

Is my life continuing to move forward and progress? I have embraced the belief that middle age is relative to when your life truly begins so for me middle age is somewhere in my late 60s. This means I have a few more years to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and at least another 20 years before that mid-life crisis I hear so much about. Adulthood is no longer as settled as it used to be. While there are defining moments such as graduating from high school, graduating from college, marriage, etc.. but it is more and more typical for people to change course several times during adulthood.  So for me this phase of adulthood is about forward movement and growth. As long as I am working toward a goal or the next thing I want to conquer in life, I feel good about things. It is those times that I take stock and feel like I am standing still that I am frustrated.

When that is the case, I look at what changes I need to make in order to fix that. Is it as simple as taking a photography class to improve my blog posts or does it involve a bit more action such as finding ways to cut my monthly costs so I can save for a family vacation? The idea is to set long term and short term goals that are achievable and to map out the steps needed to accomplish those goals. Remember, we need to have healthy expectations and set healthy goals rather than set ourselves up for failure.